margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
