I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
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