I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
