Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
two words: eviction party
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
