What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
