Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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