I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
