WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It was confusing and full of hummus
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
