Non-Jews are for practice
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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