i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
