We're like a lot better than the average bears
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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