Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
