Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
