I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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