when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
