omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
too bad you live with your parents still
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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