Porn is love you can see.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
