i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
