dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
