the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
