some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
