how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
