Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
