You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize