fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
