Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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