Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
home. puking in laundry basket.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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