glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
