if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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