i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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