from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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