party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
