Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
