I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
