God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
