I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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