I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
