I am puke
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
