I'm jealous of your bromance
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
