i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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