great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
