I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
