I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
