i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
True college students do jello shots in the library
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
