You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
