Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
