So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
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