Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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