Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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