Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
