Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize