he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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