I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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