life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
