I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
