Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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