mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
