1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
are you so shy because you have an std?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Someone signed my nipple.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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