Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
