Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
