Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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