I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
