Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize