the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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