Jerry, you need to find god
Who wears a wallet chain?!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
