Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
