My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
id be glad to
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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