you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
