I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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