I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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