What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
