I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
