I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
