Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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