Just cropdusted the office
she smelled like a LAN party
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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