Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
