I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
